Sunday, April 25, 2010

Adieu

In my eighth grade year I played Captain von Trapp in our school's version of the play The Sound of Music. Near the end of the play, just before they escape Nazi Austria, the Trapp Family children sing "So Long, Farewell." It's a long goodbye.

This blog was about my experience as the spouse of someone with cancer. Sue was diagnosed with multiple myeloma on May 1, 2009, and she died of complications from the cancer on March 29, 2010. Sue's eleven-month struggle with multiple myeloma was, it turns out, a form of long goodbye. My blog might have ended in March when Sue died, but I have been doing my own version of a long goodbye. To my way of thinking, some things relevant to the cancer experience of the non-cancer spouse have happened in the month since Sue died.

It seems that people who live through wars experience the horrors of war, but also often look back on the war years fondly. I'm not sure why that is, but I think it must be, in part, because such experiences are intense, and a lot of memorable living gets packed into a little time. During the Battle of Fredericksburg in December of 1862, Robert E. Lee said: "It is well that war is terrible - otherwise we would grow too fond of it." In some sense this past year with Sue's cancer was a little bit like that; It was terrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody; But at the same time it was intense, some of it was good, and a lot of living got packed into a short window of time.

I've enjoyed blogging this experience. It's been better than having a psychotherapist, and cheaper. I've appreciated your comments and prayers more than I can say. I've appreciated being community with you, and you being community with Sue and me. But as Harrison Ford told Gene Hackman in the movie "Witness," "It's over! It's over!"

There are a lot of ways to say goodbye. So long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, and audieu, among them. But adieu best expresses my sentiments here. Here, I bid you adieu in both the fond farewell sense, and the permanent farewell sense. But also, I bid you adieu in the sense that the French used to use it: "Adieu vous commant." [From the latin "ad" (to) and "deus" (God).] I commend you to God. (See www.answers.com/topic/adieu)

...

Anyone who cares to correspond with me is welcome to try, provided you understand the rules. Sometimes I'm slow to respond. Sometimes I don't respond. I'm mostly retired from active law practice, so I'm not soliciting legal business, nor will I be likely to accept it. If you correspond with legal questions your correspondence to me will be protected by attorney-client privilege, and I will protect your confidences. But merely corresponding to me with your legal questions will not obligate me to respond, nor will it create the kind of attorney-client relationship where I am under any obligation to respond to you or to advise you or to protect your legal interests. Such a relationship would require a written agreement between us signed by both of us.

With that disclaimer, the author of this blog, George E. Harper, can be reached by email at: thefisher@comcast.net for general correspondence, or at lawbygeorge@comcast.net for legal correspondence.

Also, I did start another blog last November, the first time I thought I was through with this blog. The subject matters of my new blog are more scattershot and less compelling. Still, if you are interested my new blog can be found at www.thefishersline.blogspot.com.

Thank you again. And again, adieu.

29 comments:

  1. Well, adieu to you, too. Boohoo. I'll miss you and your thoughts here. But I understand... there comes a time for endings... closure.

    I've appreciated all you've written. You've expressed your thoughts and feelings in ways that many can't. I'm sure you've helped others in ways you may never even know about.

    So thank you for sharing. And don't be surprised if I pop in on your other blog to haunt (or even scold) you once in a while. ;)

    Keep on keepin' on... in whatever direction the Lord leads you. Keep learning and growing... I'm sure Sue would have it no other way.

    God bless your future, whatever it holds. Hugs to you and yours....

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    Replies
    1. WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Clara David I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of breast cancer and her name is Sandra David I and my family have taking her to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to make search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady called peter Lizzy she was testifying  to the world about the goodness of a herbal man who has the roots and herbs to cure all kind of disease and the herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man @herbalist_sakura for my younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whats app him +2348110114739  you can follow him up on Instagram @herbalist_sakura for the cure, he will help you out with the problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me davidclara223@gmail.com 

      Delete
    2. I have been following this website for more than 2 years now, admin kindly post and share this to give other brain tumor patients hope that they can get a cure. Three years ago I was diagnosed with GBM after a CAT scan. I went through neurosurgery, radiation, and 14 months of chemo treatments but the symptoms all
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  2. Are we not here to exchange? Your expression of self has been an enriching experience for me and I hope your new beginnings will give you gradual delight as you move from deep grief to hope and maybe even new love.

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  3. George -
    Thank you - just thank you - for the sharing - & for loving Sue - & for welcoming me. These things have all been a cherished gift.

    blessings,
    Bruce

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  4. Thank you, may the blessings you gave us, come back to you in many ways.
    You have taught us much, and my prayers go with you as you learn to walk a new path in life.
    jc

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  5. George;

    Thank you for sharing this difficult intense year. You've helped remind me how important it is to be patient and understanding of the journeys of strangers.

    Farewell and good luck with the fish,

    John

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  6. My days will be different now. No longer will I log on to my computer to see what George has written and to find out how Sue is doing since yesterday. Some things will never change though; I will pray each day for you and your daughters and think of Sue. And hope when my time with myeloma ends that I might chance upon Sue in heaven and chat a bit about gardening. Thank you and God Bless you George. Rebecca Weber

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  7. Thank you, George, for so much. I admire and am humbled by your strength and honesty and resolve. It is abundantly clear that you and Sue were a match made in Heaven, as they say, and that you both shared a love that many don't experience. I wish you courage and peace. Adieu! Sean

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  8. I have told George for the last month when he writes his last blog I would comment. I believe I commented one other time regarding the chicken that survived on the freeway for years but has since went to chicken heaven.

    As a neighbor, friend, partner at Lakeview cottages and most important a chosen family member I have had a front seat on the roller coaster ride of Sue's MM. From sensing something wasn't right, to diagnosis, thru chemo and stem cell, local treatment, hospital vists and finally farewell and memorial goodby. George your comments have been from the heart and your honest feelings, now granted they weren't always agreed by every one but they were real and that is what made this blog what it was.

    The comments and relationships that have developed thru this are something that none of us would have dreamed of 10 years ago. I am amazed at the support and even scoldings that came out, literally from all corners of the country and even the world have expressed support. I know that many have learned to know the Harper family thru this road and I loved and enjoyed reading all the insight by some very gifted people.

    So to my good friend George there is nothing I can say or do that will change what God has planned for us. The only thing I can do is to love you as my brother and tell you what I think and feel. As friends we have a great rule that we can tell each other what we think and we do not have to agree but we still have to love each other.

    George it has been an amazing roller coaster ride and we will continue this ride on another roller coaster car and track as we continue what God has planned and has in store for us.

    As Always (luv ya Jess and Val)
    Mark

    P.S you never get over the loss. You just get used to the new "normal".

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  9. George,
    Your advice in these last few postings is priceless. Thank you. Though none of us want to think of these things, this is all so helpful to so many of us and such necessary information to have. Blessings to you.
    Denise

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  10. It has been wonderful to read and weep with you. I am looking forward to analogies from the world of fishing. I will continue to pray for you! Thanks for your comments on my blog. Janice

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  11. George,

    Thank you again for your truthfuliness and sharing your most intimate details of soemthing very tough for all of us. We love the Harper family, I will stay in touch, not for legal advice but to share new memories and thoughts.

    Jennifer L

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  12. George,
    I'm so thankful that you took the time and effort to do this blog. I appreciated the frequent and honest updates about Sue's condition. I assume I speak for other family members as well, when I say that I always read your posts, but usually felt too emotional to leave a comment. I'm in awe that you were able to type through the tears.

    I am also grateful for all the knowledge you have shared about dealing with a terminal illness, hospitals, bills, Kleenex, insurance, etc. We all need these kind of honest discusssions. There is no such thing as too much information!

    You definitely have the talent, if you decide to write that book. In fact, I have been tempted to print off parts of your blog, not knowing how long these things remain on line.

    But now, it is time to rest and heal. Take care of yourself physically - you know how change and stress (even from happy events like weddings)can weaken our immune systems. My sister, who was a caregiver for many years, had trouble sleeping after her husband died, but a few months of counseling really helped with that.

    We hope to see you this summer. Jill

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  13. George,
    Thanks so much for this blog. It helped us get to know you and your family and helped us know how to pray. You have shared your heart is an amazing way. We continue to pray for you all.
    God's Blessings
    Neola and John

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  14. I just came upon this blog from the Good Funeral Guide blog. And having read a few posts, I feel compelled to read the whole thing. Your wife was so lucky to have the family and friends that she did, as you were all lucky to have her.

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  15. George, I only recently found you and I am going to bookmark your new blog to keep tabs on you especially since your topic is now one so near and dear to my husband, my caregiver. His major stress reliever is to walk down to the pond in our neighborhood and play a little catch & release with his fly rod (and then come home and describe every fish on what fly and how hard it fought...)

    ~KT

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  16. Thank you for posting about your experience, I would like to share about tulsa cancer treatment center which could be very effective in curing cancer.

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  17. I am 29 years old and have been diagnosed with breast cancer, ease of treatment and a similar story, except for my first acceptance as a rejection of herbal medicine. I was not part of the Perseid movement and did not really build relationships with any of them, I just believed in their operation. I say this because it was during the use of Dr. Itua herbal medicine that I now attest that herbal medicine is real, the phytotherapy Dr. Itua heal my breast cancer which I suffered for 2 years. Dr. Itua herbal medicine is made of natural herbs, with no side effects, and easy to drink. If you have the same breast cancer or any type of human illness, including HIV / AIDS, herpes cancer,Ovarian Cancer,Pancratics cancers, bladder cancer, bladder cancer, prostate cancer, kidney cancer, lung cancer, skin cancer, skin cancer and skin cancer.testicular Cancer, , LEUKEMIA, VIRUSES, HEPATITIS, INFERTILITY WOMEN / MAN, LOT OF LOVE, LOTTERY. ITS CONTACT EMAIL / WHATSAPP: info@drituaherbalcenter.com Or drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/ +2348149277967

    ReplyDelete
  18. Most prostate cancers are adenocarcinomas, cancers that arise in glandular cells of the prostate’s epithelial tissue. Prostate cancers usually progress slowly and produce no symptoms in the initial stages. Eventually, the tumor may enlarge like mine use too, the prostate gland, pressing on the urethra and causing painful or frequent urination and blood in the urine. So I was so uncomfortable with this prostate cancer diseases then I decided to do online search on how to cure cancer because I well have read a lot about herbal medicine, I came across a lot of testimony how Dr Itua cure HIV/herpes then Cancer was listed below the comment.with courage I contacted Dr Itua and he sent me his herbal medicine through Courier service then I was asked to pick it up at my post office which i quickly did. I contacted Dr Itua that i have received my herbal medicine so he instructs me on how to drink it for three weeks and that is how Dr Itua Herbal Medicine cure my prostate Cancer, The treatment takes three weeks and I was cured completely. Dr Itua is a god sent and I thank him every day of my life. Contact him now On:Email:drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/   Whatsapp:+2348149277967.
    He listed to that he can as well cure the following diseases below.... Cerebral Amides. Lung Cancer,Brain cancer,Esophageal cancer,Gallbladder cancer,Gestational trophoblastic disease,Head and neck cancer,Hodgkin lymphoma Intestinal cancer,Kidney cancer,Leukemia,Liver cancer,Melanoma,Mesothelioma,Multiple myeloma,Neuroendocrine tumors,Hodgkin lymphoma,Oral cancer,Ovarian cancer,Sinus cancer,Soft tissue sarcoma,Spinal cancer,Stomach cancer,Testicular cancer,Throat cancer,Thyroid Cancer,Uterine cancer,Vaginal cancer,Vulvar cancer. Alzheimer's disease,Autism,measles, tetanus, whooping cough, tuberculosis, polio and diphtheria Adrenocortical carcinoma. Alma, Uterine Cancer, Breast Cancer, Allergic diseases. Kidney cancer, Love Spell, Glaucoma., Cataracts,Macular degeneration,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Generalized dermatitis,Alzheimer's disease,Brain Tumor,Lupus,Endomertil Cancer, cerebrovascular diseases  
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please be careful with all these doctors without proper addresses. I would not give my information to any body with WhatsApp or gmail office address. Don't fall a victim to scam artists.

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  19. I saw so many testimonies about Dr Itua a great HERBAL DOCTOR that can cure all kind of diseases and give you the rightful health to live a joyful life, i didn't believe it at first, but as the pain got worse and my life was at risk after visiting my therapist numeriuos times for combination of treatments. and no changes so i decided to take a try, I contacted him also and told him i want a cure for Vulvar cancer/ Testicular cancer and it was Stage IIIA, he gave me advice on what i must do and he delivered it to me in my state which i use according to his instruction, and today i must say I am so grateful to this man Dr Itua for curing me from Vulvar cancer/ Testicular cancer and for restoring me back to my normal health and a sound life,i am making this known to every one out there who have been living with cancers all his life or any sick person should not waist more time just contact him with his details below- WhatsApp- +2348149277967 Email drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com, believe me this man is a good man with Godly heart, this is the real secret we all have been searching for. Do not waste more time contact him today for you also to live a sound and happy life. he cure the following disease________Thyroid Cancer,Uterine cancer,Fibroid,Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Brain Tumor,Fibromyalgia, Fluoroquinolone Toxicity Bladder cancer,Brain cancer,Hiv,Herpes,Esophageal cancer,Gallbladder cancer,Gestational trophoblastic disease,Head and neck cancer,Hodgkin lymphoma
    Intestinal cancer,Kidney cancer,Hpv,Lung cancer,Melanoma,Mesothelioma,Multiple myeloma,Neuroendocrine tumors
    Non-Hodgkin lymphoma,Oral cancer,Ovarian cancer,Sinus cancer,Hepatitis A,B/C,Skin cancer,Soft tissue sarcoma,Spinal cancer,Stomach cancer,Vaginal cancer,Vulvar cancer,
    Testicular cancer,Tach Diseases,Leukemia,Liver cancer,Throat cancer,
    Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresSclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Chronic Diarrhea,Copd,Parkinson,Als,Adrenocortical carcinoma  Infectious mononucleosis. 

    ReplyDelete
  20. Here is a great herbal doctor who cured me of Hepatitis B. his name is Dr. Imoloa. I suffered Hepatitis B for 11 years, I was very weak with pains all over my body my stomach was swollen and I could hardly eat. And one day my brother came with a herbal medicine from doctor Imoloa and asked me to drink and I drank hence there was no hope, and behold after 2 week of taking the medicine, I started feeling relief, my swollen stomach started shrinking down and the pains was gone. I became normal after the completion of the medication, I went to the hospital and I was tested negative which means I’m cured. He can also cure the following diseases with his herbal medicine...lupus, hay fever, measles, body pain,  dry cough, diabetics hepatitis A.B.C,  mouth ulcer, mouth cancer, bile salt disease, fol ate deficiency,  diarrhoea, cardiovascular disease,  Neoplasms, chronic respiratory disease, mental and behavioural disorder,  liver/kidney inflammatory, eye cancer, skin cancer disease, malaria, chronic kidney disease, high blood pressure, food poisoning, parkinson disease, bowel cancer, bone cancer, brain tumours, asthma,  arthritis, epilepsy, cystic fibrosis, lyme disease, muscle aches, cholera, fatigue, muscle aches, shortness of breath, tuberculosis,  alzhemer's disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis,  Anxiety Disorders, Back Pain, Crohn's Disease, Chronic renal failure,  acute myeloid leukaemia, acute pancreatitis, chronic inflammatory joint disease, inflammatory bowel disease,  Addison's disease,   back acne, breast cancer, allergic bronchitis, Celia disease, bulimia disease, congenital heart disease, cirrhosis, fetal alcohol spectrum,  constipation,  fungal nail infection, fabromyalgia,   (love spell) and many more. he is a great herbalist man.  Contact him on email; drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. You can also reach him on whatssap- +2347081986098.

    ReplyDelete
  21. My father was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) in the summer of 2013; His initial symptoms were quite noticeable. He first experienced weakness in his right arm and his speech and swallowing abilities were profoundly affected. We all did our best to seek help for this disease no medications they prescribe worked ,we were all scared we might lost him due to his condition, as he had been his brother's caregiver a few years earlier for the same disease before he past. doctor recommend nuatural treatment from total cure herbal foundation for his ALS we have no choice to give a try on natural organic treatment ,this herbal cure has effectively reverse my father condition ,losing his balance which led to stumbling and falling stop after the completing the herbal supplement which include his weakness in his right arm and his speech, home remedies from totalcureherbsfoundation com is the best although their service is a little bit expensive but it worth it, they save lives.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I’m here to testify about what Dr Oseremendid for me. I have been suffering from (GENITAL HERPES VIRUS) disease for the past 4 years and had constant pain and inching, especially in my private part. During the first year, I had faith in God that i would be cured someday.This disease started circulating all over my body and I have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago I came across a testimony of Rose Smith on the internet testifying about a Man called Dr Oseremen on how he cured her from 7 years HSV 2. And she also gave the email address of this man, advise anybody to contact him for help on any kind of diseases that he would be of help, so I emailed him telling him about my (HSV 2) he told me not to worry that I was going to be cured!! Well, I never doubted him I have faith he can cure me too,, Dr Oseremen prepared and sent me Healing Oil, Soap, roots and herbs which I took. In the first one week, I started experiencing changes all over me, after four weeks of using his Roots/ Herbs, Oil and Soap, I was totally cured. no more inching , pain on me anymore as Dr Oseremen assured me. After some time I went to my doctor to do another test behold the result came out negative. So friends my advise is if you have such disease or know anyone who suffers from it or any other disease like HPV, HBV, HIV, ALS, HBP, CANCER etc. you can contact Dr oseremenfor help via dr.oseremenvadi@gamil.com or whatsapp +2349056394313

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  23. I am here to give my testimony about Dr Anuge who helped me.. i want to inform the public how i was cured from (HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS) by Dr Anuge, i visited different hospital but they gave me list of drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedies on HERPES and I saw comments of people talking about how Dr anuge cured them. When I contacted him he gave me hope and sent Herbal medicine to me that I took for just 2 weeks and it seriously worked for me, my HERPES result came out negative. I am so happy as I am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that there is no cure for herpes that is Not true just contact him and get cure from Dr Anuge healing herbal cure of all kinds of sickness you may have like
    (1) CANCER,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) CANCER,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL
    (11)COLD SORE
    and mare that are not mentioned here He also cured my friend from cervical cancer. so contact him through his Email address : dranuge@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +234816466838 

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  24. WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Clara David I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of breast cancer and her name is Sandra David I and my family have taking her to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to search for cancer cure so that was how I found a lady called Peter Lizzy. She was testifying  to the world about the goodness of a herbal man who has the roots and herbs to cure all kinds of disease and the herbal man's email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man @herbalist_sakura for my younger sister's help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whats app him +2348110114739  you can follow him up on Instagram @herbalist_sakura for the cure, he will help you out with the problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me davidclara223@gmail.com 

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  25. Dr. Iyabiye it’s a herbal specialist he specializes in curing different kinds of diseases/virus like: HEPATITIS, CIRRHOSIS DISEASE, STAPHYLOCOCCUS and many more. I was once a hepatitis victim and I got healed by his medication, contact him if interested and get cured. I am a testimony to his medicine. Contacts: (+234-815-857-7300) (iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com)

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  26. I was born with HIV my mother passed away because of the HIV infection And I regret why i never met Dr Itua he could have cured my mum for me because as a single mother it was very hard for my mother I came across Dr itua healing words online about how he cure different disease in different races diseases like HIV/Aids Herpes,Parkison,Asthma,Autism,Copd,Epilepsy,Shingles,Cold Sore,Infertility, Chronic Fatigues Syndrome, Lupus Cure,Fibromyalgia,Cancer,Alzheimer's disease,psoriasis,Bipolar Disorder,Dementia Disease,Chronic Diarrhea,Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,Stroke,Fibromyalgia,Weak Erection,Breast Enlargment,Penis Enlargment,Hpv,measles, tetanus, whooping cough, tuberculosis, polio and diphtheria)Diabetes Hepatitis,I was so excited but frighten at same time because I haven't come across such thing article online then I contacted Dr Itua on Mail drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/www.drituaherbalcenter.com . I also chat with him  he tells me how it works then I tell him I want to proceed I paid him so swiftly Colorado post office I receive my herbal medicine within 4/5 working days he gave me guidelines to follow and here am I living healthy again can imagine how god use men to manifest his works am I writing in all articles online to spread the god work of Dr Itua Herbal Medicine,He's a Great Man.  

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